Goodbye Insecurity

2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be equipped for every good work.”

The more I learn about human nature, the more I realize that so many of us are saddled with a personality that is insecure. Insecurity comes in many forms and is disguised by many actions and attitudes.

Some insecure people make it obvious as they act very unsure of themselves. They have trouble making decisions or being alone so they find others who are stronger and cling to them. But others who have similar struggles internally find a cover in over-exerting themselves in the very areas that plague them.

These insecure people will only feel comfortable in a situation if they have control in that area. This struggle for power often manifests itself in very unpleasant ways. Frustration and anger at circumstances and people who don’t comply with your way of doing things often get out of hand. This need for control that is fueled by internal struggle often alienates others, which in turn causes the downward spiral of insecurity to rotate faster. More emotion and feelings of unworthiness rise to the surface, creating even more negative behavior.

As I have peeled back the layers of my own emotions, I have come to the conclusion that much of what I experience are just secondary emotions that stem from the root problem of my insecurity. When I have exploded in anger at an unsuspecting victim or have fought desperately for my way in a particular situation, I could often trace these reactions to an area of my life where I felt weak.

Why did I become angry and defensive when a loved one questioned my actions? It was because I thought someone was questioning my worth and my ability to make good decisions. Though this was not at all my friend’s intention, this was how I perceived it. Their loving inquiry struck at the deepest part of my insecurity and I lashed out to protect myself.

Those who are truly secure do not feel the need to protect themselves. They do not always need to be in control. They have the self-confidence to allow others to “win” at times and can rejoice when their friends experience a victory. They recognize that someone else’s leadership or authority does not threaten who they are or their capabilities as a person. They are more able to sift through criticism objectively, disregarding the bad while keeping the good. They also understand the truth that just because someone disagrees with them does not mean that the person dislikes them. It just means they have differing opinions, both of which could be right. These beliefs and the actions and attitudes that go with them endear the confident person to others, which in turn strengthens confident feelings.

What is the antidote to this inborn feeling of inadequacy? How does one fight against it? I asked myself these questions one morning as the weight of negative feelings threatened to drown me in self-pity and helplessness.