Biblical Forgiveness: How to Forgive When the Hurt Is Deep

“While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he fell asleep.”

Acts 7:59-60

Dear Friends,

Forgiveness sets God’s people apart. Scripture calls us to forgive just as God has forgiven us, yet this can feel incredibly difficult without the help of the Holy Spirit. It may be challenging to forgive small offenses, but how do we forgive deep wounds that have profoundly affected our lives? Is such forgiveness truly possible, and what does it look like in practice?

Consequences of Unforgiveness

In my own life, I have had many opportunities to harbor bitterness toward someone who has wronged me. I know God calls me to forgive, yet there are times when letting go of the hurt feels incredibly difficult. I find myself replaying the situation over and over in my mind, examining every detail, questioning why the conflict happened, and wondering what I could have done differently. But over time, I’ve learned that this kind of rumination only deepens the wound. Dwelling on the pain doesn’t bring peace; it often causes further emotional strain and can even take a toll on our physical health.

Benefits of Forgiveness

On the other hand, choosing forgiveness brings profound benefits. Anxiety and depression can begin to ease. Stress levels decrease. Even heart rate and blood pressure may improve. At times, forgiveness even opens the door to relational healing.

Still, offering forgiveness does not always mean a relationship will be restored. Reconciliation requires mutual repentance and rebuilding of trust. Yet we can be confident that God is pleased when we obey His command to forgive as He has forgiven us. In His Word, He graciously provides examples of faithful men and women who show us what that kind of obedience looks like.

Stephen: A Living Example of Biblical Forgiveness

Acts 7 provides one of those powerful examples of biblical forgiveness through the life of Stephen, one of the first deacons, who demonstrated a Spirit-filled life by standing firmly for the truth. Despite threats from jealous opponents, he boldly proclaimed the gospel. When his enemies refused to listen, they dragged him outside the city and stoned him.

Many observers might have understood if Stephen had responded with anger or condemnation. Instead, even in death, he displayed God’s transforming power by imitating the response of Jesus Christ in a similar moment of suffering.

Learning Forgiveness from Jesus’ Example

When we struggle with forgiveness, it helps to reflect on those who overcame the natural human tendency toward bitterness. As the stones struck him, Stephen prayed for the Lord Jesus to receive his spirit and asked that the sin of his attackers not be held against them, echoing the words Jesus spoke on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Stephen’s response challenges us to consider our own lives. Who do we need to forgive? What practical steps can help us move forward?

Practical Steps: The REACH Forgiveness Model

Recently, I listened to a lecture by psychologist Everett L. Worthington Jr. and was introduced to a practical method for working through forgiveness. While forgiveness begins as a conscious decision, true freedom comes when we also experience emotional peace in the midst of our turmoil.

Dr. Worthington developed the REACH Forgiveness Model, a step-by-step process that helps move from deciding to forgive toward experiencing genuine emotional healing. When combined with reliance on the Holy Spirit, this approach can guide believers toward lasting freedom and a heart aligned with God’s will.

The five steps of the REACH Model are:

• R — Recall the hurt honestly, facing the reality of what occurred.
• E — Empathize with the offender, seeking compassion, sympathy, or understanding.
• A — Altruistic gift of forgiveness, offering grace even when it is undeserved.
• C — Commit to forgiveness, making a lasting decision.
• H — Hold on to forgiveness when doubts or painful emotions resurface.

By walking through these steps, we follow a practical path toward releasing bitterness, embracing God’s peace, and reflecting the heart of Christ in our relationships.

Choosing Freedom Through Forgiveness

While Dr. Worthington’s REACH acrostic obviously hadn’t been explained in Bible times, Stephen exemplified many of its principles. He did not downplay the wrongdoing of his accusers; he spoke the truth boldly. Yet by asking God not to hold their sin against them, he showed both compassion and spiritual insight, recognizing their spiritual blindness. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, Stephen chose forgiveness even in the face of unimaginable suffering, showing us that, like him, we can follow a deliberate path—recalling the hurt, empathizing, extending forgiveness, committing to it, and holding on—while relying on the Holy Spirit to guide our hearts.

The mercy shown by Jesus and Stephen serves as a powerful example for us. Whether offenses are large or small, we are called to respond as God desires – offering forgiveness “seventy times seven.”

Forgiveness is not always easy, but with God’s help it becomes possible. When we forgive, we experience freedom from bitterness, renewed peace, and deeper alignment with God’s will. In choosing forgiveness, we follow the example of faithful believers who have gone before us.

Who Do You Need to Forgive?

Is there someone you need to forgive today? Ask God for strength, begin working through the REACH Model, and take the first step toward freedom by choosing forgiveness as God has forgiven you.

Love,

Mama

Lord, I lift up my friends who are carrying hurt and bitterness. Give them the courage to forgive as You have forgiven, even when it feels impossible. Help them release every offense into Your hands and trust Your perfect justice. Fill their hearts with Your peace, soothe their pain, and guide them toward true healing as they rest fully in Your love. May they experience the freedom and joy that come from walking in obedience to You, reflecting Your grace to those around them.