Handling Conflict God’s Way: When Christians Disagree

 “And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left, being committed by the brethren to the grace of the Lord.” (NASB)

Acts 15:39-40

Dear Friends,

I could feel the stress building in my chest when I saw her walking down the aisle. I hated that we had a disagreement but didn’t know how to manage it. So I did what many do: I walked the other way, hoping that over time our differences would automatically resolve.

Learning to Face Conflict

This was once my default way of handling conflict. That is, until I read Dr. Linda Mintle’s helpful book, We Need to Talk! This book deals with relational conflict—something we will face throughout life. The real issue is not whether we will experience conflict, but how we will handle it. Disagreements can be uncomfortable, but God can use them to grow us into the image of His Son. Sometimes He even uses difficult circumstances to further the reach of the gospel.

Conflict in relationships shows up in a variety of places. Anyone who gets married soon realizes that two people, even when deeply in love, have different perspectives. These differences can present problems if not managed well.

Parenting, extended families, work environments, and even church settings regularly present opportunities for hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and conflict. Wherever people interact, disagreements are bound to happen.

When Paul and Barnabas Disagreed

The Bible is not silent about the reality of friction and quarrels among people, even strong believers. In chapter 15 of Acts, we see two godly men dealing with a sharp disagreement.

Paul and Barnabas spent many months together taking the gospel to both Jews and Gentiles. They traveled, testified, and suffered together. Early in their first missionary journey, they experienced a disappointing setback. They had taken a young man named John Mark with them as a helper, but partway through the journey, he left them and returned to Jerusalem.

As Paul and Barnabas prepared to set out on their second missionary journey, Barnabas, a kind, encouraging, and magnanimous man, wanted to give John Mark another chance and take him with them again. But Paul would have nothing to do with it. He kept insisting that they should not take John Mark along because of his previous desertion.

The disagreement became so strong that the two men decided to separate. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. Paul chose Silas as his new team member, and they left Antioch together to strengthen the churches throughout Syria and Cilicia.

We are not privy to how these two men of God handled their disagreement, but we know the end result. They made the decision to go their separate ways. While we may wish they had stayed together, God continued working through both men. One team became two teams, and the gospel continued to spread.

Handling Conflict God’s Way

Conflict in relationships is inevitable. When it comes, I have learned that, in most cases, it is important to face it head-on. Handling conflict God’s way requires us to communicate with an open mind and gentle spirit rather than avoiding difficult conversations, as I used to do.

Differences can be a good thing. We each have blind spots, and our perspectives can broaden when we are willing to listen and evaluate other viewpoints with an open mind. As we pray about the situation and seek to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, God can humble our hearts and help us discern the way forward.

But even if we hit a brick wall in our attempts at peace, we must foster forgiveness and refuse to hold on to anger and resentment. Sometimes the only answer is to agree to disagree.

God Can Work Through Our Disagreements

Paul and Barnabas hit a dead end when it came to the decision about taking John Mark on their next missionary journey. The result may seem discouraging and even disappointing, but God continued to work in the lives of those involved, even multiplying the spread of the gospel as two new teams set out.

Sometime later, we see encouraging evidence that their earlier disagreement did not permanently destroy their relationships.

In a few of Paul’s letters, he mentions Barnabas and John Mark in a positive light. Despite their previous conflict, Paul recognized Barnabas as a fellow worker (1 Cor. 9:6), instructed the Colossians to welcome Barnabas’ cousin, Mark (Col. 4:10), and later requested John Mark’s presence because he was useful to him for service (2 Tim. 4:11).

Although we don’t know exactly what happened between these men, Paul’s later references show that his attitude toward John Mark had changed. Their disagreement did not have to be the final chapter.

Choosing Grace When We Disagree

Life’s storms will come, as Dr. Mintle reminds us in the last chapter of her book. Rather than avoid them, we must navigate through them to the other side. Staying calm in our thinking and bathing the situation in prayer will help us respond wisely.

Over the years, through many hills and valleys, I have also been learning how to handle conflict with God’s help. Today, if I saw a person walking toward me down the aisle—someone with whom I had a disagreement—I would probably say a quick prayer and greet her. Maybe we would even have a conversation that would lead toward understanding and healing. But either way, I would know I had tried to do the right thing and could trust God with the outcome.

Handling conflict God’s way doesn’t guarantee that every disagreement will be resolved. But by His grace, we can choose humility over pride, forgiveness over resentment, and peace over bitterness. And even when relationships change, God can continue working in and through us.

Love,

Mama

Are you struggling with a disagreement in your life? Ask God for wisdom to know how to respond with grace. I’d love to hear what He’s teaching you about handling conflict. Share your thoughts below, or pass this message along to someone who needs encouragement.

This reflection is part of my Walking Through the Book of Acts devotional series, where we explore the early church, the work of the Holy Spirit, and what it means to follow God with courage and faith.