A Soft Answer and A Hug

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

How do you respond when you encounter an angry person? It is not a good feeling to have someone turn on you whether you deserved it or not. Your response in these situations can either escalate the problem or calm it down.

When you work with clients and customers, it is not uncommon for them to express anger at what they perceive as a wrong done to them. Emily has experienced this working as a food server in a restaurant, and once in a while Dad and I deal with it in the auction business.

A few years ago I was checking people out at one of our auctions when an older gentleman stepped up to pay. After writing his check he looked at his bill and thought that there was an error. Our policy on reimbursement is that we listen to our audio recording of the auction to make sure that there truly was an error before returning the money. In this case I told the man that I needed to check with the auctioneer first.

His response was not very pleasant. He started loudly expressing his displeasure with me, our methods, and our company. I could feel my hackles rising, but I calmly stepped away to check with the auctioneer. Upon my return I apologized for the inconvenience and said I would be glad to reimburse him for our mistake.

Instead of calming down, he turned up his protests a few notches – continuing his harangue and creating a very uncomfortable atmosphere. I was at a loss as to what to do, but suddenly I felt sorry for him. I reframed the situation in my mind and wondered what the real cause of his outburst was about. Maybe he was having a terrible day before even arriving. Possibly his car broke down or his dog died. In my mind a switch flipped and, without thinking, I gave him a hug and asked if we could just be friends.

Immediately I felt the flames of anger die. A soft answer truly did turn away his wrath. He calmed down and we were able to part on speaking terms, whereas, if I had responded in kind, the feelings probably could have gotten out of control.

This is often hard to do, but it is a good habit to practice when it comes to dealing with people. Often their responses are not necessarily because of something you have done or said; rather, they start with another circumstance that they are encountering in their life.

Whatever the case it is typically better to respond with love and a soft answer. Try it sometime. You may be surprised at the pleasing results.

Love,

Mama